An Intense Sense of Play and Fierce Visuality: Or, I'm back.

I have no idea why I decided to start this up again. I didn't even like it that much when I had to do it for 340. It all seems so intensely self indulgent. But then I remembered that I am pursing the most indulgent of arts, so screw it. I mean-- I've had serious upper division classes that required me to write about my feelings and draw my aura with crayons. Who am I kidding? I'm obsessed with me. Might as well compartmentalise my self love and categorize it properly to stand the test of time.

Besides, I was lying. I actually loved doing this for 340. I even got an A on my (insert snooty cough here) academic blog attempt.



For my acting for film and TV class through the Cinema school (not Hacker) I am required to keep a journal (once again about my feelings, GOD I love my job), so I also figured this might be the easier way to do it. My acting journal will be organized, shiny and indestructible. Not to mention green. I am so getting close to the level of hip Hollywood elitist.


Probably because I have found myself in a strange, alien new phase of my life. Running out into the echo chamber of cyber -space seemed strangely inviting, and I have heard time and time again how important it is for actors to keep journals. By using blogger I can add videos and pictures at will and immortalize my 20 something self. I'm choosing to believe that this is a good thing.


I feel in Alien land because for the first time in a long time I am really questioning myself. My life is in the arts, but I have recently realized that I have the ability to be happy. What a novel concept, truly. I can and deserve to be happy and it is up to me to figure out where the artistic community exists that will best serve me. For a long time I accepted depression and just tried to function underneath it. London changed a lot for me. This summer changed a lot for me. Before all of this I was 100 % positive that Film and la la land where for me. Now, sitting in my apt (which is really the kindness of my friend's couch) I'm not sure. BUT, this is all far to exciting for the first return post.


This time last year I was on a plane to London. I honestly thought I would never come back. I felt as though that experience would be my new existence. One thing I have learned is that no matter how hard you try to hold onto life the way it is, you will still lose it every time. Nothing is permanent. Happiness and bliss are fleeting. They take you by surprise and leave you just as quickly wondering if you simply dreamed it all up. Probably why I love acting so much.


That sounded very bleak--- but make no mistake, I am currently happy. My life is still exciting. Just strange. I am certainly navigating new waters with lots of new characters and the future's so bright I got to wear shades. Hip Target shades.