Let's Start at the very Begining--- It's a very good place to start.

The work is never, ever done. I feel like I have picked up a lot of useful one-liners that encapsulate the work, and yet, I easily forget about this knowledge the minute a get a second to put it in practice. I can tell myself this again and again, but it just flies out the window a lot of the time and I easily get wrapped up in trivial things: like be impressive and attractive on the big pretty shiny screen.



I'll admit it: I was feeling pretty cocky after last week's class. That doesn't mean I didn't rehearsal the piece or wake it up again for this class. However, I think I was very obviously way too worried about the audience. FORGET THE AUDIENCE. -- in film of course. This is a class setting and I simply was too worried if I was reaching them enough or not. I was not focused on my objective, the setting, or the relationships. I was thinking about effecting the rest of the class. This is not what film is about. I need to transcend the lens, so to speak. Though I was very clearly on autopilot I was still proud of the work that I did. I think I have grown a lot as an actor and I think my new found confidence was evident on the screen. What I find interesting is that my inherent self hatred that used to make this particular piece very powerful, without me having to work toward the emotion is gone. I feel like I used to really know what these words meant. To be so lost and wanting to just die, I was able to internalize this piece with a fairly sophisticated level of substitution. I still have insecurities but my deep loathing is no longer weighing me down anymore. I think I may have to find these again inside myself to bring this piece back form the dead.



Which brings me to my favorite jewel of the night. When you understand the moments (the relationships, the setting, all the Uta goodness) you don't need to plan or direct yourself in any way. If you do your home work it will simply happen organically. Writing it down it seems so obvious. ALLISON HOW MANY ACTING CLASSES HAVE YOU TAKEN?! WAKE UP. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN TOLD THIS? Still though, phrased that way, I' not sure anyone has ever put it that way. It just clicked with me tonight.





For next week I am going to do a complete and through character study and see what that releases with my new maturity. Just like I used to do in high school, over indulgent and obsessive, I think sometimes actors can get jaded and forget the beauty of the process. Even the stumbling and struggling bits lend themselves to gorgeous moments of honesty.


Libby- The Maiden's Prayer- Nicky Silver



-My present state of being is winding crushing, spinning desperation



-I perceive myself as a black desolate hole and impossible and immune to being loved by anyone.



- I am wearing the sexiest black dress I own.

-It is very late (2:30am) in the winter.



-I am in Paul (my best friend's) apartment in NYC on the fourth floor in room 416. Very Sketchy neighborhood.



-What has just happened is that I went to a bar hoping to dull my pain for Taylor and get more booze ( the love of my life who is marrying my sister and wants nothing to do with me anymore) where I was picked up by a fat older, but reasonably kind man, we had sex and then he paid me because he thought I was a common whore.


-My relationhships are best broken down sperately:


-Paul: my best friend who I met at my sister and Taylor's wedding. He means everything to me. He is the one person I feel I belong too and he belongs to me.


-Taylor: life and a promise of happiness.

I know this piece inside and out. Let's see what happens after this little refresher.